Man prioritizes his wife’s plans and family reacts badly: ‘My family got upset and said I’m changing since I got married. They also said my wife is slowly pulling me away from them’

Healthy families don’t view their son’s partners as intruders. They might not like them; they might think they aren’t the best for their sons, but they respect their sons’ decisions

Most families are far from what’s ideal in terms of behavior; that’s why new marriages have to be really clear in enforcing their boundaries.

The family from this story states that ‘family should come first’, but what is a marriage, then? Isn’t it including someone in your family? Isn’t a marriage a newly formed family? If it is, and family should come first, then it’s ok to put your partner’s plans first on the priority list.

Some parents have a hard time psychologically processing that their sons are no longer children, and they are free to form their own families. If they don’t make their boundaries clear, they run the risk of a never-ending grief; they don’t give their parents (or themselves) the space to understand that their position as children is over.

Setting clear, strong boundaries is the only way in which families can coexist and find other ways to organise.

Either way, you should check whether your spouse is causing you to distance yourself from family, and if your family is trying to distance you from your spouse. It’s an otherwise very common, complicated dynamic.

People change when they get married, and parents should expect us to change when we do. It might be hard for them, and we certainly can and should be patient, but if we sacrifice too much for them, we might end up sabotaging our own family project in order to keep the old one alive, and that’s not fair to anybody.

I know a lot of couples who ended because their extended family wouldn’t leave them alone. After a while it can become very tiring for everyone involved, and wear the couple down. Did it ever happen to you?