By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
I abandoned friendships back in my adolescence and never once felt the desire to befriend anyone. I retreated into isolation from the age of fourteen until my early twenties, where my only companions were glasses of wine and spirits. I underwent injectable treatment for two months and settled on a monthly injection for schizophrenia for several years. I felt normal. For two years, I built friendships with drinking and hashish buddies; we would hang out, get drunk weekly, smoke a little hashish, and travel and wander across the State of Israel.
I felt completely normal. I decided to get married and to stop my treatment altogether. A few months after quitting treatment, I turned on all my friends, feeling paranoid and unsettled around them. I immediately cut off the last of my friends—a decision that stands to this day, twelve years later.
I no longer want any treatment, even though I occasionally feel a sorrow in my heart—a tightness in my chest—over my current life. There is an ancient pain buried deep in my subconscious, which is the root of any distress or harm in my present life. In my conscious mind, I want neither new treatment nor new friends. The companionship of my wife and children, my life with them, the company of spirits and glasses of wine, staying away from people, and remaining in solitude are more than enough for me.
I am content with what I do and excel at online right now. Here, I continuously fuel my drive to work and my passion for success, showcasing my latent talents and intellectual capabilities. I do not seek applause from anyone, nor do I wait for fleeting attention.
I know that I offer something truly valuable from the core of my soul and mind, with absolute honesty and sincerity. It does not matter to me if people are searching for something else; I work as I see fit simply to raise and anchor my self-esteem, nothing more.
I am happy with my current life and strive to keep it permanently safe and secure. I want to live out the rest of my life this way. It does not bother me that I make friends with spirits away from reality—I won’t go crazy with them! I can commune with them in complete peace.
Something great has always been with me, looking after me despite the harshness of my life. I have learned a lot, matured, and developed a strong sense of awareness. There is something good in my life, despite the gloom, the turmoil, and the lack of hope for anything good in this cursed life of mine.
