By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
Since my childhood, my mind has been utterly fascinated by foreign films. I did not view some of these films merely as fiction; rather, I absorbed and studied their concepts with utmost seriousness, processing them as though they were documentaries. At a certain stage in my life, I was drawn to crime and thriller movies, but I eventually stopped enjoying them due to an internal vengeful streak I harbored—one that led me to seek out violent and criminal films specifically. Later on, I shifted toward exploring horror, ghost, historical, mystery, and science fiction films.
I felt that most films served as a medium for education, knowledge acquisition, and hidden symbolism, reflecting, for the most part, the reality in which humans live. I could draw information from them to scrutinize the world through this lens, a process that captivated me deeply. During certain episodes of schizophrenia, I would experience vivid hallucinations in my mind woven directly from the fabric of these movies.
I suffered from a form of schizophrenia that manifested as adopting beliefs unsupported by evidence; strange ideas lacking a precise epistemological framework took firm root within me. A bizarre cognitive system formed in my mind, heavily dominated by aspects of magic, the paranormal, and the metaphysical. I harbored the delusion that I was a sacred and great entity, practicing magic and possessing extraordinary powers of concentration, connected to a deeply hidden and mystical realm.
I had a penchant for researching symbols and processing logical operations through a mysterious, symbolic approach. I would constantly forge strange correlations through repetition and counting. Since I was born in 1993, I felt a profound connection between world events and my arrival into this world in that specific year.
I acted as though I were the Messiah. Whenever I called out to my Father—the one I referred to as my Father in my hallucinations—I felt a grand spirit surrounding me. Amidst my distorted thoughts, I often invoked Him as “my Father,” or felt a sacred, majestic, and exalted presence fill my mind and soul, sensing that He supported me, loved me, and offered me aid. I came to realize that the mysterious and incomprehensible spirits or voices addressing me were, in essence, the Spirit of God on Earth speaking to me.
Those lights that pursued me, that large eye that appeared to me repeatedly, and the phantom wearing the hat of an 18th-century American man—tall and shadowed—the appearance of these phenomena marked the inception of my journey into the spiritual realm and paranormal experiences. It was the catalyst for my intellectual drift into these worlds and entities.
Early in my life, numerous fantasies consumed me, most carrying varying symbolisms, connotations, and perceptions. I also felt that this was not my first experience on Earth; I hold a powerful drive and intuition within my heart regarding reincarnation. Whenever I contemplate this, my heart rate accelerates, as if an inner voice confirms the truth of this belief. This sensation has persisted for years up to this very day, as though an ancient spirit inhabits my body. Notably, a spirit has been moving within my body for many years, continuing into the present.
I do not know whether that spirit truly exists within my body or precisely where its signals originate, but it possesses the ability to provoke responses in my nervous system—responses that can involuntarily move my fingers if it so desires.
These entities also control the surrounding winds or carry tangible air masses with them. Feeling their approach toward your body resembles the sensation of a spider weaving its webs across your skin. Occasionally, they are accompanied by acoustic tinnitus waves; indeed, it is very common for them to bring these waves whenever they draw near to me. Nevertheless, they possess other methods where these physical effects do not manifest.
We cannot deem this spirit an evil, demonic entity hostile to humanity, nor a human soul floating within the realm of spirits. Given their extraordinary capabilities, these entities possess vast wisdom in applying their powers, akin to the wisdom of an all-powerful, omniscient deity. For instance, humans, constrained by their laws and capacities, are prone to fall and misapply their power to their own detriment and that of the world, posing a continuous threat to existence.
Conversely, these spiritual entities, through their stability and supreme power, operate with balance and without causing harm. Yet, their capabilities allow them the potential to disrupt the general order of humanity. They are capable of uncovering all secrets; they know everything occurring in the human world, read thoughts and minds, roam the earth invisibly and silently, and communicate with whomever they choose according to their grand wisdom.
I would bet they are equally capable of ending my life in the physical world. The boundaries of their reach into this realm are far from limited; they appear to wield immense authority here. They knock on physical objects, touch my body, send signals to my nervous system, influence winds and acoustic waves by their presence, read the thoughts of my mind, converse with me, appear as small phantoms and lights, and manipulate the imagination and hallucinations of the mind and the third eye through specific brain waves. Undeniably, their authority in the physical world extends even further, though they typically choose not to display it.
Suppose I do suffer from schizophrenia, or perhaps various psychological and mental disorders. Even if that were true, does it invalidate what I feel, recount, and perceive as a definitive aspect of my illness rather than an independent existential reality? That is certainly incorrect. Irrespective of potential psychiatric diagnoses, it does not negate my sound mind, which remains capable of distinguishing between truth and illusion, and separating pathological symptoms from empirical, observable reality.
Not everything in this world can be attributed to illness or mere imagination; these are real phenomena occurring in our world. Science’s inability to confirm their existence does not disprove the possibility of their occurrence, nor does it mean they are inherently intertwined with the core of a pathology. They may well be deeply subtle phenomena dwelling in the obscure corners of human knowledge.
These entities play an important role in this world, and a person dealing with mental illness is no exception to this role. Therefore, everything a psychiatric patient says ought to be taken seriously, as it may express many hidden truths.
In any case, what I can offer is the reality of an initial observation grounded in personal experience, rather than an absolute picture of what is happening or will happen, what these entities desire from their presence in my life or anyone else’s, what their goal is for humanity, what they wish to accomplish, or the broader nature of their work in this universe. Furthermore, what they could reveal to us regarding the fundamental questions of our existence and this world, their reasons for concealing themselves from everyone, remaining enigmatic and secretive, and limiting their presence to the personal experience of a single individual without being subject to study and proof—all these matters remain unknown and unclear to me. For now, it seems they intend for things to be this way. As for the identity and character I found myself possessing even in childhood, prior to my full consciousness, I do not feel it was formed out of nothingness; there must be a purpose behind this construct.
