By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
I feel that I influence others—that my abnormal feelings, resulting from my illness or the medications I take, affect those around me. I experience involuntary facial expressions such as smiling, staring, making nasal sounds, coughing, and moving my mouth. All of this seems to express my anxiety and tension. My cough is psychogenic, stemming from stress and anxiety. When I stare at someone, I feel as though I am communicating with them remotely and exchanging thoughts.
The last time I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital two years ago for a month, I felt this with all the different medical staff members who interacted with me daily. Through their changing looks and expressions, I felt they were connecting with me emotionally, that their thoughts revolved around me, and that I had a psychological influence on them. Even the mood of some patients changed compared to previous days once they began thinking about me and interacting with me.
It is worth noting that when I stop taking the medication, my feelings return to normal, and these symptoms and feelings disappear. This is one of the main reasons I hate the medication; I lose my natural feelings and sensations. Is it true that these are merely false assumptions or delusions, and that a mentally healthy person is unaffected by the patient’s condition—meaning they are not inclined to be disturbed or psychologically and emotionally impacted by the patient’s pathological emotions? That is, do they feel normal and remain unaffected when dealing with the patient?!
My face also shows signs of intense fear and anxiety, and my gaze and facial movements are focused. My features change rapidly and clearly, and I believe everyone notices it. Usually, there are mutual emotional reactions among people; everyone thinks about and observes one another, and everyone forms an impression. However, I feel that my condition draws everyone’s attention, whether they are patients or healthy individuals.
In any case, these medications remain the main cause of all these complications in my condition. How can one tolerate side effects of this kind? These are not just side effects; it feels like a whole new disease imposed on you, completely complicating your life.
Moreover, during my stay at the facility, I suffer from continuous psychological and emotional pressure around the clock, every day. I get no rest, treatment, or break there; on the contrary, I suffer immensely. No comfort, no treatment, and the medications do no good—they only worsen my condition and raise my stress levels. This is especially true since the asylum I was admitted to in my country lacks many basic necessities and proper organization. It is completely neglected and dysfunctional. Those in charge act as if you are in a psychiatric facility or a prison in a corrupt country. They do not provide proper care or treatment to patients, and their administration is incompetent. There is a great deal of negligence and deficiency across their entire system and the nature of their facility.
