By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
Through my long struggle with illness, I crafted a safe space of my own—one that evolved through gradual, incomplete stages over many years. In the beginning, I was constantly confronting symptoms, striving to forge an identity completely detached from my illness. I tried working hard, only to fail and retreat. I tried forming friendships that never lasted, and tried to be somewhat social, but every attempt ended in deeper pain and hurt.
Currently, and for a few years now, this space has fully stabilized. I live in isolation: I do not work in the physical world, I have no friends, and I no longer attempt to force changes. I have come to understand that I am psychologically impaired and dealing with a disorder of the mind. My path remains bound to this space forever, and there is no need to continually hurt myself or shoulder burdens beyond my capacity.
This does not mean I am a defeated, weak, or cowardly person, nor does it mean I am wrong or that I must blindly keep trying. The pain inside me is invisible and unimaginable to anyone else; the pressure is truly immense. Ultimately, everyone deserves a safe space and a life tailored to their specific circumstances. We do not always have to wage endless wars against illness just to become someone else; instead, we can move alongside our condition to the safest, most suitable place—one that calms the illness as much as possible.
For me, on the journey to this sanctuary—amid relentless, painful struggles, harsh trials that strained my heart, mind, and soul, and a grueling road of seeking treatment—I did not emerge empty-handed. I uncovered treasures that I hold onto to this day: building a family, learning online, working remotely, acquiring knowledge, unlocking latent talents, and gaining a deep maturity regarding life’s complexities. Had I lacked this wisdom, I would never have reached this safe space, nor would I have been able to maintain it.
These days, I have complete awareness and maturity regarding my illness. Past experiences no longer wound me as they once did; instead, they serve as lessons to ground me in the present and propel me toward the future with a safer, more stable strength. Things no longer affect me as before—I am no longer as overly emotional, fragile, or fearful.
No one directly guided me through this life journey. I learned and matured on my own, moving toward pillars of survival and growth to protect myself and acquiring more effective principles to handle my circumstances and the nature of my illness.
I bear no resentment toward the trajectory of my life, nor toward my limitations, past failures, or current reality. I truly value the nature of my existence and the worth of my mind and self, believing whole-heartedly that they deserve nothing less than the best.
