By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
Where have my friends gone?! I haven’t heard from them in a while; they’ve simply disappeared. Even though they were awful and useless, I had grown used to them. Maybe they are sleeping right now. I feel like laughing because I’m actually happy they’re gone; I was forced to listen to them every single day, and during my worst mental states, they constantly planted toxic thoughts in my mind—I couldn’t even discern their true nature.
They suddenly drifted away, and I am no longer prepared to be swayed or bothered. My mind is clear now, my friends, and I need to focus on other things in this world and enjoy them. Though I was always there with you through everything, I fought to hold onto my peace of mind the entire time. Offer something good as I might, what I committed to was worse than it appears to you—it wasn’t just simulating a schizophrenic reality; the matter was far more complex.
I was always a good person, and this experience is worth reflecting upon, for it is our duty in life to endure experiences despite their harshness. In the end, everything is a farewell. Yet, I lived a life so far removed from comfort; even when I laid my head on the pillow, I tried so hard to catch a moment of sleep because of them, and perhaps also because of my mind’s relentless activity.
Like a fool, I called them my friends. I was mesmerized by them and their presence beside me, yet all along, they were trying to torment me. But I will never say they were a figment of a mental glitch; I still hold fast to the belief that they are entirely real—autonomous beings, separate in reality from any flaw in my mind, though they might have merely interacted with it!
In any case, God, the All-Knowing—if He exists—knows my condition, what I have endured, and that I deserve how I feel right now in my life. The All-Knowing God knows that I lived every day bearing the weight of another world on my shoulders, all while trying to be myself and remain a good person in this real world.
I am happy with how I feel right now in this world. In merging back into it, I felt that I had missed it for so long through the harsh periods of my life. That is why I will never abandon my medication. After thirty days of adherence to my treatment, I have improved, and I believe that with the passing weeks and months of commitment, I will heal even further and reclaim my lost mind and spirit—for I know that medicine takes time to fully heal me!
It doesn’t matter that I lost routine things, like a warrior stripped of the familiarities of life in this world; I have fallen in love with my new life on medication. My mind is clear—no spirits, no ghosts, just absolute peace. I possess my lost humanity once more, savoring every moment, and I truly admire my new state, finding it profoundly comforting and good.
I can continue my life this way with a wonderful eager embrace of full health. So let us all seek our proper medicine, for we are far from well—even if we have grown accustomed to our pain. There is something magnificent awaiting us, something we have been missing in this life.
At any rate, if I do not die in the coming days, I hope to look back at this point many long years from now, on my deathbed, with glasses of fine wine, getting drunk to bid farewell to this damned life. But before that, I still need more sustenance from this world. I want more pleasure, and I want that same pleasure on my deathbed as I depart for an unknown realm—or perhaps there is no existence beyond it at all; it might just be an eternal sleep, a complete end, a total evaporation from existence, void of any feeling.
