By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
I believe I almost died as a teenager at the hands of a spirit. It triggered sleep paralysis in me, and a wave of wind rushed continuously into my mouth. I felt suffocated, as if I were on the verge of death. Ever since, I have been deeply terrified of the world. Whenever I step outside without alcohol or a mask, an overwhelming fear takes over. I feel a terrifying tightness in my chest and heart—an unnatural, involuntary dread that consumes my entire body. I was just a young boy, no older than fourteen, and it is truly traumatic for a child to endure such an ordeal.
In reality, I do not work a traditional job, though I love money and possess a genuine passion for work and success. Consequently, I work exclusively online. Had it not been for this deep-seated fear and illness within me, I would have worked anywhere and everywhere for the joy of earning money, providing for all my needs, buying my own car, building a wonderful home, and owning a private farm with a dog, a horse, and other animals in a peaceful countryside, far away from the city’s noise and human hustle. I envisioned offering a comfortable life for my wife and children; these were my childhood and teenage dreams. I tried repeatedly to work in the real world, but time and again, I found myself fleeing from it. Eleven years have passed since I last attempted to work out there. I finally realized that I am deeply unwell, that this is beyond my capacity, and that forcing myself into a real-world, social work environment was simply unfair to who I am.
The fear of death lingers inside me. Yet, I used to have many friends; I would go out every night and build new connections. I never drank alcohol alone—I shared it with friends during beautiful evenings. I wonder, can this fear ever be eradicated from within me now that I am 33 years old? I aspire to succeed online; I do not seek immense wealth, but merely a comfortable income to secure a dignified life for myself and my family.
