By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
At many stages of my life, I would go on diets and lose a lot of weight. Every time I started enjoying that—feeling fit and wearing stylish clothes—I would end up losing it all to a cursed psychological relapse. I would be admitted to a psychiatric facility and given medications that left me unconsciously insatiable. I would lose my bearings regarding the weight-loss goals I had set, gaining all the weight back and returning to square one. I was walking a long, grueling, and exhausting path that demanded iron willpower and a solid goal, taking months to achieve, as losing a significant amount of weight is never easy. It was agonizing to lose the fruits of my long effort in short spans of time, trapped in a state of blurred awareness, trauma symptoms, and the side effects of those cursed psychiatric drugs prescribed to me against my will. Before long, as the symptoms of trauma subsided, I would quit them again, clear my mind, reset myself without worry or hindrance, and return to my path once more.
Not too long ago, I began making my way toward regaining my fitness and good looks once again. Recently, I succeeded in losing 20 kilograms, though I still have a bit of excess weight left to lose.
These days—with winter approaching and summer still far away—I feel nostalgic. It will be a beautiful winter, and I will wear stylish clothes again. I feel like a whore! Yet I love my body and my looks, and I hate being heavy and full of fat. I miss going to the beach in the forbidden Israeli territories that have been off-limits to me for two years. I miss visiting many beautiful places there; I want to go shopping for plenty of new clothes and shoes to wear at my new ideal weight, and wander around those places I hold dear.
My heart truly aches for those beautiful days, and I hope nothing bad happens that causes me to lose everything all over again like in the past. This time, I will hold onto what I have achieved and won’t lose it again.
Something that saddens me now is that these evil Jews have restricted my freedom. I was overjoyed by the news of the war ending nearly a month ago, but nothing has changed yet; I still cannot go where I want. I hope to have beautiful days in the very near future—to wander wherever I please, and to find happy moments, full of life and love.
