By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
I have never managed to save a single penny in my entire life. Although I have successfully accomplished many things, saving money is one area where I have always failed. I have constantly pursued the work I love, yet I was never able to generate a steady income—only earning temporary, fleeting gains from time to time.
I have always relied on my mother to cover my expenses, and that remains true even today. Years have passed, and I am no longer young. Still, I pour myself into the field I love as much as I can, finding it deeply difficult to even consider taking on a new job just to make quick money.
I work behind a computer screen, leveraging my dormant talents. Using my abilities and skills is not merely a way to make a living; it is an intrinsic part of who I am. I feel passion, love, and joy while doing it, though I do try to monetize it whenever possible.
I find it exceptionally hard to engage in any work that requires a social nature or interacting with others. Teamwork simply does not suit me; it shatters my focus, causing me to lose my ability to work effectively.
I face severe psychological complexities that hinder me from interacting with people, leaving me plagued by anxiety, stress, and discomfort. These are obstacles I have failed to overcome over the years, and I know I will not be able to fix them now, after all this time.
Money is an urgent, indispensable necessity in this life; almost nothing functions without it. Had my mother not been there to provide for my financial needs, I honestly do not know where I would have ended up. Everything in this life is tied to money; living without it is impossible, and surviving without the means to secure it is unthinkable.
Furthermore, by human nature, I cannot accept a life devoid of the many things that require money. I have lived my life as a progressive alcoholic, among other things, and I cannot imagine what my life would look like without my weekly drinks—and alcohol, too, costs money.
Cigarettes accompany me all day long, and I need routine recreation and outings. Generally speaking, everything in life—from basic necessities like food and drink to leisure—requires money. One simply cannot exist without it; without financial support, I might have found myself institutionalized in a mental asylum, stripped of life and any chance of treatment.
Despite the harshness of life, the internal complexities imposed upon me, and the difficulty of finding a way out of my problems, I have been blessed with a generous stroke of good luck that has made my life feel smoother, manageable, and worth continuing.
I used to harbor grand ambitions and dreams of acquiring vast wealth and obtaining everything I desired. The relentless need for money haunted me, and I even dreamed of having enough to help those I love. But that feeling has faded as I have grown older. Today, I only want the money strictly necessary to support myself and my family—nothing more.
What worries me most in this life is my addiction to alcohol and my inability to quit. It remains a steadfast pillar in my miserable existence—a pressing necessity that enables me to go on, face my daily routine, and cope with the nature of my illness.
Will I ever possess abundant wealth one day? I do not know. Hope lingers, but despair is slowly setting in. All I wish for is a dignified life for myself and my family, alongside a plenty of liquor and more pleasure. I have consecrated the spirit of alcohol forever, and if this life is so cruel that one cannot even afford a living, then it is a cursed, harsh, and worthless life indeed.
