{"id":928,"date":"2026-07-22T10:19:17","date_gmt":"2026-07-22T10:19:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev95.site\/?p=928"},"modified":"2026-07-22T10:19:27","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T10:19:27","slug":"pleasure-in-the-depths-of-madness-my-struggle-with-psychiatric-medication-and-the-torment-of-withdrawal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev95.site\/ar\/pleasure-in-the-depths-of-madness-my-struggle-with-psychiatric-medication-and-the-torment-of-withdrawal\/","title":{"rendered":"Pleasure in the Depths of Madness: My Struggle with Psychiatric Medication and the Torment of Withdrawal"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"dev95-3772660298\" class=\"dev95-- dev95-entity-placement\"><script async=\"async\" data-cfasync=\"false\" src=\"https:\/\/pl27862732.effectivecpmnetwork.com\/2ad7a50e0bbc23ac6801d7b77c501463\/invoke.js\"><\/script>\r\n<div id=\"container-2ad7a50e0bbc23ac6801d7b77c501463\"><\/div><\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By the Author \/ Source: <a href=\"https:\/\/abuaram.site\/\">abuaram.site<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I believe psychiatric medications are still essential for me; without them, my condition would be catastrophic. In fact, I wouldn&#8217;t be able to think clearly, I\u2019d have no sex drive, I wouldn&#8217;t be able to sleep, nor would I have any energy for the next day. I would never be a functioning person. Day by day, I would grow sicker; I would break down, and I might cause harm to myself and to those around me without my medication.<\/p><div id=\"dev95-892674504\" class=\"dev95- dev95-entity-placement\"><center>\r\n<script>\r\n  atOptions = {\r\n    'key' : '4ba6b6513c00e0ba76511f798ae56401',\r\n    'format' : 'iframe',\r\n    'height' : 50,\r\n    'width' : 320,\r\n    'params' : {}\r\n  };\r\n<\/script>\r\n<script src=\"https:\/\/www.highperformanceformat.com\/4ba6b6513c00e0ba76511f798ae56401\/invoke.js\"><\/script>\r\n\r\n\t<\/center><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">During my teenage years, before I had ever taken them, I was somewhat ill, but I was still capable of living, holding on, and adapting to my illness to a degree. However, after becoming dependent on them, my mind could no longer survive without them\u2014without them, it becomes profoundly sick. I slip into severe psychosis; I want to keep going out, drinking alcohol, and frequenting dangerous places. My state becomes truly pitiable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am simply unable to quit these medications peacefully or even imagine a fresh start without them. Stopping them is an extraordinarily complex, even disastrous issue for me, as my mind becomes severely ill. I have tried to quit many times, but I could never endure it. What happens to my mind and soul without them is truly brutal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have always longed for a new beginning without them, to carry on with my life unmedicated. It feels as though they are stealing something precious from my life, and that life would be better without them. I look at people who have never taken them and live without them, and I feel there is something invaluable waiting for me in a life without medication. But perhaps I am mistaken; perhaps this is just a false illusion, and I am actually better off with them\u2014for what kind of life would it be otherwise? Leaving them behind has become impossible for me. I cannot succeed at it, and trying only wastes more time, destroying my life and dragging it to a very dark place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Despite the severity of what used to happen to me whenever I stopped my medication, I still felt something wonderful\u2014a kind of euphoria, a pleasurable high in perceiving this world through my mind. I was deeply ill, in pain, and unable to function, yet in those brutal moments, I managed to grasp a exquisite sense of pleasure in feeling and awareness. Everything was incredible, yet everything cruel was present as well. There was pain, and an inability to maintain control. There was pain, but in those moments, I also felt that pure euphoria of feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Perhaps I am delusional, imagining pleasurable and beautiful things born out of the raw liberation from these drugs. Were those wonderful things I felt actually rooted in the depths of madness\u2014the pleasure of psychosis? Was I simply insane, faring poorly, but enjoying it like an addict enjoying a fix, continuously harming myself without realizing I was in a terrible, life-threatening place, dangerous to myself and those around me? There is no peace or stability in fighting such a battle just to snatch a fleeting pleasure, while everything in my mind, soul, and life deteriorates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why can&#8217;t my mind function properly without them anymore? Is the problem in the medications themselves, or does my mind grow sicker as I age? I wasn&#8217;t sick like this in my teens, when I had never taken them, and I was able to live without them. But after falling into their trap and trying to break free, I couldn&#8217;t endure it for long. How could I, when stepping into that battle means entering a realm of pure torment\u2014a brutal toll on my mind, my soul, and my life in every aspect?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ultimately, medication remains necessary for survival; without it, we might face far harsher realities. It doesn&#8217;t matter if I can&#8217;t cry while on it, nor do all the wonderful things we might possess without it matter, because we simply won&#8217;t survive or be able to hold onto those wonderful experiences outside the boundary of these medications. You aren&#8217;t forced to stick to a specific drug; there are good medications in this world. If a drug proves ineffective after a period of treatment, set it aside. You can find the right medication for you, just as I found mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If we genuinely feel capable of quitting our medication, or if we are truly confident that we will be fine and able to build a new life without it, then let us leave it behind. Though, frankly, I doubt anyone can successfully do so. In the end, it often turns out to be a brutal, destructive gamble. Besides, daily responsibilities await each of us every single day. We cannot afford the risk of abandoning our medication amidst all these responsibilities and the people who care about us and need us. It is unfair to subject those we love, and who love us back, to such an experiment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Unless you find a truly safe opportunity to break free from these medications\u2014and unless you are mistaken about needing them in the first place\u2014do not even think about embarking on the journey of quitting them.<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div><p id=\"pvc_stats_928\" class=\"pvc_stats total_only\" data-element-id=\"928\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewbox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveaspectratio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 410 0 70 -86 122 -155 94z\"\/><path d=\"M1751 3234 c-13 -9 -29 -31 -37 -50 -12 -29 -10 -49 21 -204 19 -94 39 -189 45 -210 14 -50 54 -80 110 -80 34 0 48 6 76 34 21 21 34 44 34 59 0 14 -18 113 -40 219 -37 178 -43 195 -70 221 -36 32 -101 37 -139 11z\"\/><path d=\"M1163 3073 c-36 -7 -73 -59 -73 -102 0 -56 133 -378 171 -413 34 -32 83 -37 129 -13 70 36 67 87 -16 290 -86 209 -89 214 -129 231 -35 14 -42 15 -82 7z\"\/><path d=\"M3689 3066 c-15 -9 -33 -30 -42 -48 -48 -103 -147 -355 -147 -375 0 -98 131 -148 192 -74 13 15 57 108 97 206 80 196 84 226 37 273 -30 30 -99 39 -137 18z\"\/><path d=\"M583 2784 c-38 -19 -67 -74 -58 -113 9 -42 211 -354 242 -373 16 -10 45 -18 66 -18 51 0 107 52 107 100 0 39 -1 41 -124 234 -80 126 -108 162 -133 173 -41 17 -61 16 -100 -3z\"\/><path d=\"M4250 2784 c-14 -9 -74 -91 -133 -183 -95 -150 -107 -173 -107 -213 0 -55 33 -94 87 -104 67 -13 90 8 211 198 130 202 137 225 78 284 -27 27 -42 34 -72 34 -22 0 -50 -8 -64 -16z\"\/><path d=\"M2275 2693 c-553 -48 -1095 -270 -1585 -649 -135 -104 -459 -423 -483 -476 -23 -49 -22 -139 2 -186 73 -142 361 -457 571 -626 285 -228 642 -407 990 -497 242 -63 336 -73 660 -74 310 0 370 5 595 52 535 111 1045 392 1455 803 122 121 250 273 275 326 19 41 19 137 0 174 -41 79 -309 363 -465 492 -447 370 -946 591 -1479 653 -113 14 -422 18 -536 8z m395 -428 c171 -34 330 -124 456 -258 112 -119 167 -219 211 -378 27 -96 24 -300 -5 -401 -72 -255 -236 -447 -474 -557 -132 -62 -201 -76 -368 -76 -167 0 -236 14 -368 76 -213 98 -373 271 -451 485 -162 444 86 934 547 1084 153 49 292 57 452 25z m909 -232 c222 -123 408 -262 593 -441 76 -74 138 -139 138 -144 0 -16 -233 -242 -330 -319 -155 -123 -309 -223 -461 -299 l-81 -41 32 46 c18 26 49 83 70 128 143 306 141 649 -6 957 -25 52 -61 116 -79 142 l-34 47 45 -20 c26 -10 76 -36 113 -56z m-2057 25 c-40 -58 -105 -190 -130 -263 -110 -324 -59 -707 132 -981 25 -35 42 -64 37 -64 -19 0 -241 119 -326 174 -188 122 -406 314 -532 468 l-58 71 108 103 c185 178 428 349 672 473 66 33 121 60 123 61 2 0 -10 -19 -26 -42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev95.site\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif?resize=16%2C16&#038;ssl=1\" border=\"0\" \/><\/p><div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By the Author \/ Source: abuaram.site I believe psychiatric medications are still essential for me; without them, my condition would be catastrophic. In fact, I wouldn&#8217;t be able to think clearly, I\u2019d&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p id=\"pvc_stats_928\" class=\"pvc_stats total_only\" data-element-id=\"928\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewbox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveaspectratio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 410 0 70 -86 122 -155 94z\"\/><path d=\"M1751 3234 c-13 -9 -29 -31 -37 -50 -12 -29 -10 -49 21 -204 19 -94 39 -189 45 -210 14 -50 54 -80 110 -80 34 0 48 6 76 34 21 21 34 44 34 59 0 14 -18 113 -40 219 -37 178 -43 195 -70 221 -36 32 -101 37 -139 11z\"\/><path d=\"M1163 3073 c-36 -7 -73 -59 -73 -102 0 -56 133 -378 171 -413 34 -32 83 -37 129 -13 70 36 67 87 -16 290 -86 209 -89 214 -129 231 -35 14 -42 15 -82 7z\"\/><path d=\"M3689 3066 c-15 -9 -33 -30 -42 -48 -48 -103 -147 -355 -147 -375 0 -98 131 -148 192 -74 13 15 57 108 97 206 80 196 84 226 37 273 -30 30 -99 39 -137 18z\"\/><path d=\"M583 2784 c-38 -19 -67 -74 -58 -113 9 -42 211 -354 242 -373 16 -10 45 -18 66 -18 51 0 107 52 107 100 0 39 -1 41 -124 234 -80 126 -108 162 -133 173 -41 17 -61 16 -100 -3z\"\/><path d=\"M4250 2784 c-14 -9 -74 -91 -133 -183 -95 -150 -107 -173 -107 -213 0 -55 33 -94 87 -104 67 -13 90 8 211 198 130 202 137 225 78 284 -27 27 -42 34 -72 34 -22 0 -50 -8 -64 -16z\"\/><path d=\"M2275 2693 c-553 -48 -1095 -270 -1585 -649 -135 -104 -459 -423 -483 -476 -23 -49 -22 -139 2 -186 73 -142 361 -457 571 -626 285 -228 642 -407 990 -497 242 -63 336 -73 660 -74 310 0 370 5 595 52 535 111 1045 392 1455 803 122 121 250 273 275 326 19 41 19 137 0 174 -41 79 -309 363 -465 492 -447 370 -946 591 -1479 653 -113 14 -422 18 -536 8z m395 -428 c171 -34 330 -124 456 -258 112 -119 167 -219 211 -378 27 -96 24 -300 -5 -401 -72 -255 -236 -447 -474 -557 -132 -62 -201 -76 -368 -76 -167 0 -236 14 -368 76 -213 98 -373 271 -451 485 -162 444 86 934 547 1084 153 49 292 57 452 25z m909 -232 c222 -123 408 -262 593 -441 76 -74 138 -139 138 -144 0 -16 -233 -242 -330 -319 -155 -123 -309 -223 -461 -299 l-81 -41 32 46 c18 26 49 83 70 128 143 306 141 649 -6 957 -25 52 -61 116 -79 142 l-34 47 45 -20 c26 -10 76 -36 113 -56z m-2057 25 c-40 -58 -105 -190 -130 -263 -110 -324 -59 -707 132 -981 25 -35 42 -64 37 -64 -19 0 -241 119 -326 174 -188 122 -406 314 -532 468 l-58 71 108 103 c185 178 428 349 672 473 66 33 121 60 123 61 2 0 -10 -19 -26 -42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/dev95.site\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif\" border=\"0\" \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fp_fajr_begins":"","fp_fajr_iqamah":"","fp_dhuhr_begins":"","fp_dhuhr_iqamah":"","fp_asr_begins":"","fp_asr_iqamah":"","fp_maghrib_begins":"","fp_maghrib_iqamah":"","fp_isha_begins":"","fp_isha_iqamah":"","fp_midnight":"","fp_midnight_name":"","fp_sunrise":"","fp_single_prayer_begins_title":"","fp_single_prayer_iqamah_title":"","fp_prayer_times_for_today":"","fp_hijra_date":"","fp_fajr_name":"","fp_dhuhr_name":"","fp_asr_name":"","fp_maghrib_name":"","fp_isha_name":"","fp_sunrise_name":"","fp_currentDate":"","fp_current_time":"","fp_current_title":"","fp_current_location":"","fp_masjid_name":"","fp_prayer_title":"","fp_next_prayer_iqamah_time":"","fp_next_prayer_iqamah_title":"","fp_next_prayer_begins_time":"","fp_next_prayer_begins_title":"","fp_next_prayer_title":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-928","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-posts"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":8,"today_views":0},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Pleasure in the Depths of Madness: My Struggle with Psychiatric Medication and the Torment of Withdrawal - Dev95<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I believe psychiatric medications are still essential for me; 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Day by day, I would grow sicker; I would break down, and I might cause harm to myself and to those around me without my medication.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dev95.site\/ar\/pleasure-in-the-depths-of-madness-my-struggle-with-psychiatric-medication-and-the-torment-of-withdrawal\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"ar_AR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Pleasure in the Depths of Madness: My Struggle with Psychiatric Medication and the Torment of Withdrawal - Dev95\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I believe psychiatric medications are still essential for me; without them, my condition would be catastrophic. 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