{"id":1066,"date":"2026-07-31T12:31:09","date_gmt":"2026-07-31T12:31:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev95.site\/?p=1066"},"modified":"2026-07-31T12:31:20","modified_gmt":"2026-07-31T12:31:20","slug":"a-father-behind-the-veil-of-disorder-my-struggle-for-engy-aram-and-adam-eight-years-to-forty-and-a-journey-toward-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev95.site\/ar\/a-father-behind-the-veil-of-disorder-my-struggle-for-engy-aram-and-adam-eight-years-to-forty-and-a-journey-toward-healing\/","title":{"rendered":"A Father Behind the Veil of Disorder: My Struggle for Engy, Aram, and Adam\u2026 Eight Years to Forty\u2026 and a Journey Toward Healing"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"dev95-238041218\" class=\"dev95-- dev95-entity-placement\"><script async=\"async\" data-cfasync=\"false\" src=\"https:\/\/pl27862732.effectivecpmnetwork.com\/2ad7a50e0bbc23ac6801d7b77c501463\/invoke.js\"><\/script>\r\n<div id=\"container-2ad7a50e0bbc23ac6801d7b77c501463\"><\/div><\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By the Author \/ Source: <a href=\"https:\/\/abuaram.site\/\">abuaram.site<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I fear losing the comfortable and good things in my life. I truly value this current phase and feel that I am receiving solid treatment\u2014one I must strictly maintain. I have made many mistakes in my past, which is why I decided to retreat from the toxic, ill, and dark world of my life, staying dedicated to this proper treatment for years to come.<\/p><div id=\"dev95-2666939828\" class=\"dev95- dev95-entity-placement\"><center>\r\n<script>\r\n  atOptions = {\r\n    'key' : '4ba6b6513c00e0ba76511f798ae56401',\r\n    'format' : 'iframe',\r\n    'height' : 50,\r\n    'width' : 320,\r\n    'params' : {}\r\n  };\r\n<\/script>\r\n<script src=\"https:\/\/www.highperformanceformat.com\/4ba6b6513c00e0ba76511f798ae56401\/invoke.js\"><\/script>\r\n\r\n\t<\/center><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am 32 years old now, with eight years left until I turn forty. By then, my three children will no longer be little kids; they will be relatively grown. My eldest daughter, Engy, is ten now, and by the start of that new milestone, she will be eighteen. My middle son, Aram, will be around thirteen, while my youngest, Adam, will turn ten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have lived with them in peace, safety, and happiness throughout this time, striving to offer them the absolute best parental care possible. Although I endured severe moments of turmoil while they were growing up, they were still too young to realize the changing nature of my psychological and mental state. I was forced into a psychiatric facility more than three times due to overwhelming manic episodes while living with them. Every single time I was hospitalized, I carried them with me in my thoughts\u2014thinking of them every hour of every day away from home, longing to return to them as fast as I could. When I returned home, they only knew I had been traveling; they had no idea about that terrifying facility I was actually in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Things might differ with them once I reach forty, but it certainly won&#8217;t be as complex. They are my beloved children, and I will always strive to make their lives better alongside me as they grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yet, I don\u2019t believe or feel that I will lose my vitality over time; my spirit will remain deeply rooted and steady. I don\u2019t expect to become an old man even in my fifties or sixties, and I won&#8217;t give up drinking alcohol even on my deathbed. I will remain young, and I don&#8217;t see my intellectual awareness or mental growth going beyond where it stands at this stage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am a person living with schizophrenia, enduring mental and psychological disorders, and I am not like an ordinary person who simply ages. I believe I possess spiritual, mental, and physical capacities that differ from those of regular people. I hope I never suffer a physical illness in my life, and I aspire to die strong\u2014in fact, I feel I will die strong and in youthful health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Unless I die tomorrow or the day after in an accident or under any other circumstance, this is my vision for an extended life before old age sets in. However, this life is highly dangerous and unpredictable, and the human spirit can vanish in a fraction of a second without anyone knowing. What awaits me in the near future of this life remains unknown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It would be wonderful to live until my seventies or eighties, see my grandchildren, and witness the evolution of life for the next fifty years. I am still young and eager to enjoy my life more. I want to continue receiving the best possible treatment to heal both my body and mind, adapting to it in a deeply beneficial way. I also hope to maintain full physical health and fitness, adhering to a healthy diet and regular exercise while keeping a steady weight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The biggest issue, however, is money; I don&#8217;t know where it will come from. I might lose my current sources of income and need to find new ones. I have grown weary of relentless, consecutive failures, yet I keep working every day, even if out of an unconscious drive. I work, but all my attempts fail. Nevertheless, perhaps a new source of income will open up for me one way or another. Working in the 21st century as someone who finds social adaptation difficult in team environments, I was built for the era of technology, screens, and working from home\u2014something I have leveraged well throughout my life. Therefore, the only work I truly excel at is solo work over the internet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hope remains alive for a better future, a longer and happier life, and fruitful, good days. I hope my spirit retains its youth and beauty until the very last moment of my life, that the dark days fade away, and that abundant good fortune accompanies me and my loved ones until the end. What matters most is staying committed to an effective, beneficial treatment that keeps me and my mind in a good state for a long time. I have had more than enough of bad experiences.<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div><p id=\"pvc_stats_1066\" class=\"pvc_stats total_only\" data-element-id=\"1066\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewbox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveaspectratio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 410 0 70 -86 122 -155 94z\"\/><path d=\"M1751 3234 c-13 -9 -29 -31 -37 -50 -12 -29 -10 -49 21 -204 19 -94 39 -189 45 -210 14 -50 54 -80 110 -80 34 0 48 6 76 34 21 21 34 44 34 59 0 14 -18 113 -40 219 -37 178 -43 195 -70 221 -36 32 -101 37 -139 11z\"\/><path d=\"M1163 3073 c-36 -7 -73 -59 -73 -102 0 -56 133 -378 171 -413 34 -32 83 -37 129 -13 70 36 67 87 -16 290 -86 209 -89 214 -129 231 -35 14 -42 15 -82 7z\"\/><path d=\"M3689 3066 c-15 -9 -33 -30 -42 -48 -48 -103 -147 -355 -147 -375 0 -98 131 -148 192 -74 13 15 57 108 97 206 80 196 84 226 37 273 -30 30 -99 39 -137 18z\"\/><path d=\"M583 2784 c-38 -19 -67 -74 -58 -113 9 -42 211 -354 242 -373 16 -10 45 -18 66 -18 51 0 107 52 107 100 0 39 -1 41 -124 234 -80 126 -108 162 -133 173 -41 17 -61 16 -100 -3z\"\/><path d=\"M4250 2784 c-14 -9 -74 -91 -133 -183 -95 -150 -107 -173 -107 -213 0 -55 33 -94 87 -104 67 -13 90 8 211 198 130 202 137 225 78 284 -27 27 -42 34 -72 34 -22 0 -50 -8 -64 -16z\"\/><path d=\"M2275 2693 c-553 -48 -1095 -270 -1585 -649 -135 -104 -459 -423 -483 -476 -23 -49 -22 -139 2 -186 73 -142 361 -457 571 -626 285 -228 642 -407 990 -497 242 -63 336 -73 660 -74 310 0 370 5 595 52 535 111 1045 392 1455 803 122 121 250 273 275 326 19 41 19 137 0 174 -41 79 -309 363 -465 492 -447 370 -946 591 -1479 653 -113 14 -422 18 -536 8z m395 -428 c171 -34 330 -124 456 -258 112 -119 167 -219 211 -378 27 -96 24 -300 -5 -401 -72 -255 -236 -447 -474 -557 -132 -62 -201 -76 -368 -76 -167 0 -236 14 -368 76 -213 98 -373 271 -451 485 -162 444 86 934 547 1084 153 49 292 57 452 25z m909 -232 c222 -123 408 -262 593 -441 76 -74 138 -139 138 -144 0 -16 -233 -242 -330 -319 -155 -123 -309 -223 -461 -299 l-81 -41 32 46 c18 26 49 83 70 128 143 306 141 649 -6 957 -25 52 -61 116 -79 142 l-34 47 45 -20 c26 -10 76 -36 113 -56z m-2057 25 c-40 -58 -105 -190 -130 -263 -110 -324 -59 -707 132 -981 25 -35 42 -64 37 -64 -19 0 -241 119 -326 174 -188 122 -406 314 -532 468 l-58 71 108 103 c185 178 428 349 672 473 66 33 121 60 123 61 2 0 -10 -19 -26 -42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev95.site\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif?resize=16%2C16&#038;ssl=1\" border=\"0\" \/><\/p><div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By the Author \/ Source: abuaram.site I fear losing the comfortable and good things in my life. I truly value this current phase and feel that I am receiving solid treatment\u2014one I&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p id=\"pvc_stats_1066\" class=\"pvc_stats total_only\" data-element-id=\"1066\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewbox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveaspectratio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 410 0 70 -86 122 -155 94z\"\/><path d=\"M1751 3234 c-13 -9 -29 -31 -37 -50 -12 -29 -10 -49 21 -204 19 -94 39 -189 45 -210 14 -50 54 -80 110 -80 34 0 48 6 76 34 21 21 34 44 34 59 0 14 -18 113 -40 219 -37 178 -43 195 -70 221 -36 32 -101 37 -139 11z\"\/><path d=\"M1163 3073 c-36 -7 -73 -59 -73 -102 0 -56 133 -378 171 -413 34 -32 83 -37 129 -13 70 36 67 87 -16 290 -86 209 -89 214 -129 231 -35 14 -42 15 -82 7z\"\/><path d=\"M3689 3066 c-15 -9 -33 -30 -42 -48 -48 -103 -147 -355 -147 -375 0 -98 131 -148 192 -74 13 15 57 108 97 206 80 196 84 226 37 273 -30 30 -99 39 -137 18z\"\/><path d=\"M583 2784 c-38 -19 -67 -74 -58 -113 9 -42 211 -354 242 -373 16 -10 45 -18 66 -18 51 0 107 52 107 100 0 39 -1 41 -124 234 -80 126 -108 162 -133 173 -41 17 -61 16 -100 -3z\"\/><path d=\"M4250 2784 c-14 -9 -74 -91 -133 -183 -95 -150 -107 -173 -107 -213 0 -55 33 -94 87 -104 67 -13 90 8 211 198 130 202 137 225 78 284 -27 27 -42 34 -72 34 -22 0 -50 -8 -64 -16z\"\/><path d=\"M2275 2693 c-553 -48 -1095 -270 -1585 -649 -135 -104 -459 -423 -483 -476 -23 -49 -22 -139 2 -186 73 -142 361 -457 571 -626 285 -228 642 -407 990 -497 242 -63 336 -73 660 -74 310 0 370 5 595 52 535 111 1045 392 1455 803 122 121 250 273 275 326 19 41 19 137 0 174 -41 79 -309 363 -465 492 -447 370 -946 591 -1479 653 -113 14 -422 18 -536 8z m395 -428 c171 -34 330 -124 456 -258 112 -119 167 -219 211 -378 27 -96 24 -300 -5 -401 -72 -255 -236 -447 -474 -557 -132 -62 -201 -76 -368 -76 -167 0 -236 14 -368 76 -213 98 -373 271 -451 485 -162 444 86 934 547 1084 153 49 292 57 452 25z m909 -232 c222 -123 408 -262 593 -441 76 -74 138 -139 138 -144 0 -16 -233 -242 -330 -319 -155 -123 -309 -223 -461 -299 l-81 -41 32 46 c18 26 49 83 70 128 143 306 141 649 -6 957 -25 52 -61 116 -79 142 l-34 47 45 -20 c26 -10 76 -36 113 -56z m-2057 25 c-40 -58 -105 -190 -130 -263 -110 -324 -59 -707 132 -981 25 -35 42 -64 37 -64 -19 0 -241 119 -326 174 -188 122 -406 314 -532 468 l-58 71 108 103 c185 178 428 349 672 473 66 33 121 60 123 61 2 0 -10 -19 -26 -42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/dev95.site\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif\" border=\"0\" \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fp_fajr_begins":"","fp_fajr_iqamah":"","fp_dhuhr_begins":"","fp_dhuhr_iqamah":"","fp_asr_begins":"","fp_asr_iqamah":"","fp_maghrib_begins":"","fp_maghrib_iqamah":"","fp_isha_begins":"","fp_isha_iqamah":"","fp_midnight":"","fp_midnight_name":"","fp_sunrise":"","fp_single_prayer_begins_title":"","fp_single_prayer_iqamah_title":"","fp_prayer_times_for_today":"","fp_hijra_date":"","fp_fajr_name":"","fp_dhuhr_name":"","fp_asr_name":"","fp_maghrib_name":"","fp_isha_name":"","fp_sunrise_name":"","fp_currentDate":"","fp_current_time":"","fp_current_title":"","fp_current_location":"","fp_masjid_name":"","fp_prayer_title":"","fp_next_prayer_iqamah_time":"","fp_next_prayer_iqamah_title":"","fp_next_prayer_begins_time":"","fp_next_prayer_begins_title":"","fp_next_prayer_title":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1066","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-posts"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":11,"today_views":0},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>A Father Behind the Veil of Disorder: My Struggle for Engy, Aram, and Adam\u2026 Eight Years to Forty\u2026 and a Journey Toward Healing - Dev95<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I fear losing the comfortable and good things in my life. I truly value this current phase and feel that I am receiving solid treatment\u2014one I must strictly maintain. I have made many mistakes in my past, which is why I decided to retreat from the toxic, ill, and dark world of my life, staying dedicated to this proper treatment for years to come.I am 32 years old now, with eight years left until I turn forty. By then, my three children will no longer be little kids; they will be relatively grown. My eldest daughter, Engy, is ten now, and by the start of that new milestone, she will be eighteen. My middle son, Aram, will be around thirteen, while my youngest, Adam, will turn ten.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dev95.site\/ar\/a-father-behind-the-veil-of-disorder-my-struggle-for-engy-aram-and-adam-eight-years-to-forty-and-a-journey-toward-healing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"ar_AR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Father Behind the Veil of Disorder: My Struggle for Engy, Aram, and Adam\u2026 Eight Years to Forty\u2026 and a Journey Toward Healing - Dev95\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I fear losing the comfortable and good things in my life. I truly value this current phase and feel that I am receiving solid treatment\u2014one I must strictly maintain. I have made many mistakes in my past, which is why I decided to retreat from the toxic, ill, and dark world of my life, staying dedicated to this proper treatment for years to come.I am 32 years old now, with eight years left until I turn forty. By then, my three children will no longer be little kids; they will be relatively grown. My eldest daughter, Engy, is ten now, and by the start of that new milestone, she will be eighteen. 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