By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
A profound shift has occurred in my psychological and mental state over these past two days, worsening drastically; my mind feels deeply sick. I have begun expressing my weakness, exhaustion, and fatigue, in stark contrast to previous days when I expressed joy and excitement about getting rid of these bothersome medications. The situation has become unbearable. I feel the presence of a foreign entity, a foreign spirit, and a stranger inside my mind, talking nonstop around the clock—like a vile, angry, and vengeful evil spirit constantly haunting me. I can barely think on my own without this internal chatter; and when silence prevails, I lose myself in my own mind’s thoughts, talking to myself while my emotions react intensely. My feelings have become fragile, unstable, and volatile; I might laugh excessively, or I might weep.
Despite everything, and at this exact moment, I feel that the antipsychotic medication I forced myself to take tonight and this morning is capable of stopping this voice or preventing it from continuing to torment my mind. For some reason, these scientists possess the secrets of the human mind; they know the portals that allow these entities to connect with and control my mind. In other words, they do not merely prevent mental malfunction, but intercept the entry pathways of these beings into the mind—for these entities require specific points in my brain to open up and unleash themselves. The bottom line is that I still insist there is a reason for my spiritual existence that connects the human mind to a real part of these entities, which differs from a mere mental disorder. These beings are suspicious and seem like tireless robots; they are non-human spiritual entities. Imagine the power of an angel like the Holy Spirit Gabriel or another high divine angel; they do not tire like humans, nor are they affected like humans.
They are purely energetic beings, completely different from human energy, of course. Yet these spirits do not feed solely on my mind and my illness; they feed on all human beings and their thoughts concerning me as well. People who are annoyed by me in one way or another contribute to the evil nature of these entities and to my mental illness too.
I feel that I am directing my resentment toward the people around me rather than toward another realm, holding them responsible, believing that people I know or don’t know are connected to what is happening inside my head. The posts I have been writing recently on Facebook seem sensitive to them, and they are the reason for my mood swings over these two days. When I am normal and write something acceptable, they rejoice, feel relieved, and are not upset. But if I disturb their feelings, I consider myself guilty, in the wrong, and ripe for punishment—falling then under a form of spiritual authoritarian rule.
If the degree of suffering within the human mind—like the anguish occurring inside mine—reaches a level faced by someone intensely strong yet deeply desperate, who finds no way to stop the torrent of painful thoughts and escape the torment, they would likely resort to suicide. This state of mind cannot be endured for long, and the inevitable outcome is the taking of one’s life.
Those evil spirits seek to harm me; they push me toward evil and harm, wanting me to hurt others if I fail to harm myself, so they can gain control over me. They also keep repeating words to me like “sick,” “mentally ill,” “afflicted.” These words hurt my feelings deeply. Regardless of my health condition, it pains me when someone calls me “sick”; I feel I never deserve to be called that, viewing it as a grave insult.
There are also many painful thoughts and events unfolding in my mind. I hear voices originating from the spirits of some people sitting next to me in vehicles. I turn to look at them, only to find them completely silent. I have also felt a malicious spirit moving above me and around those near me, hearing them talk to me. I believe this voice is close to the sound of internal thought itself. In addition to this uncanny perception, I hear voices in my head even before they are spoken out in the street. It is as if an extraordinary power controls time or the near future, causing these voices to begin in my mind before the event actually takes place. How can such a sound form in my mind before it is even created in reality itself?
