By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
Throughout my harsh life and the bitter trials I endured—amidst all the complexities, my helplessness, weakness, failures, and despair, along with my longing for a different life and the constant urge to work and earn, only to fail—I never once harbored malice, envy, or resentment. I never felt like a troubled, vengeful victim; there was simply no space within me for a dark side.
I have never envied anyone for being different from me, nor have I ever looked upon any person or thing in this world with eyes of jealousy. I never viewed those who seemed normal and lived happy lives through a lens of bitter envy, nor did I feel resentful because I was not like them. My heart remained filled with goodness, light, and peace toward it all.
Even during periods of illness, I would ask myself how to break free from my condition, believing there had to be a way to heal my mind and soul, restore my sanity, and fulfill my desire to be free of psychiatric medications—which I resisted. Yet, I never succumbed to malicious despair or a victim mindset; in the end, I met it all with quiet acceptance.
All my life, I felt a compelling urge to earn money, yet I earned very little. Many of my projects failed—undertaken when I lacked the clarity and knowledge to sustain and build them properly. I launched them out of naivety, during moments of illness and vulnerability when I was entirely unprepared for such ventures. Yet, I never gave up.
Had there been no internet or remote work to feed this drive, I would have started my own venture in complete isolation, in a world far removed from the digital age. I am someone who cannot survive without work, a craft, or a talent to practice; being useless goes entirely against my nature. The desire to work, succeed, and acquire knowledge to the absolute fullest extent is deeply rooted in my mind and character.
At the same time, I am content with very little. I have no ambition beyond what is necessary; I appreciate the small things and value what I have. I know that if I were to get my dream house far from the noise of life, I might eventually crave a home in a bustling city, and vice versa. I realize that inner peace must be anchored and maintained anywhere. Likewise, a modern, affordable car that runs well is more than enough for me—I have no need for an expensive one. A bit of inexpensive alcohol allows me to enjoy life without needing luxury brands. I do not need a constant flow of money into my bank account, nor do I desire extreme wealth; enough to guarantee a dignified life is all I ask.
I am grateful to my mind and soul, and proud to be someone overflowing with love and goodness—I simply cannot endure living in swamps of malice that harm and drain me. I cherish having preserved my true nature despite the harshness of my circumstances, and despite the heavy burden of illness that sometimes robs me of my true self and makes me act unconsciously. I am proud of my worldview and how I navigate life today, and I find within myself the strength to rise above conforming to so many around me.
