By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
About two weeks in, I began finding it difficult to think or even feel hunger, a consequence of taking my medications morning and night. I do not like these new shifts in my condition, and I feel I should stop taking them entirely during the day, even though I need them. I cannot accept losing my sharp edge, nor can I allow myself to overeat. Having successfully lost weight, I refuse to gain it back. Throughout these past two weeks, I kept my appetite completely under control, but things began to change once that period passed. The voices I used to hear have also stopped, and so much else has altered.
What drove those spirits away from me? I barely heard them over these two weeks—where did they go?! Everything in my perception feels different now: the sharpness of my thought has dimmed, my capacity for inspiration and expression has vanished, my desire to speak has diminished, and thoughts no longer flow into my mind. Hardest of all is that I simply cannot allow myself to regain the weight. My physical fitness and aesthetic physique are of utmost importance to me.
I wish I could rid myself of these cursed medications forever. Why do I keep relapsing into weakness, unable to live without them? I faced immense hardship and severe complications whenever I tried to quit; the experiences were agonizing and unbearable. What was the story behind that voice constantly echoing in my head? Where did my endlessly active mind go—the one that could never stop its relentless flow of thought? Where did my heightened, volatile emotions vanish—the ones that could laugh and cry in the very same moment? And where is that part of my mind that used to push me toward reckless, dangerous behavior? Why were so many spirits crowded inside me, some talking incessantly to the point where I could no longer focus? What about the way my mind used to refuse sleep entirely? And what of that feeling that I was not truly in this world—that my mind wanted to escape to somewhere far removed from where I was and from the demands of dealing with reality?
Everything was fundamentally different back when I stopped those cursed medications. Those vile spirits seem like a spell tethering me to these drugs; they are intensely affected whenever I step away from the medication, and my psychological state back then was profoundly dark. Those spirits seize upon my moments of weakness and negative energy, taking control of me so that I fail in my attempts to break free from these repulsive drugs that I detest. It is as though there is a driving engine to the nature of these entities—these emanations of energy—that reacts in step with my medications and my mental state. Whenever I confront the challenge of quitting, that spiritual hostility awakens to harm me.
Yet those spirits remain present with me in total silence; even now, as I write this article, they make their presence felt. They inhabit my mind and body, but the rules of their interaction with me have changed. They no longer react as they used to, especially when I would stop the medication. Whenever I am down, they pounce to compound my pain, exploiting every withdrawal symptom that this cursed drug leaves behind in my mind and soul.
In any case, I will not allow this medication to restore the weight I lost, nor to strip away my mental clarity, spiritual acuity, and unique qualities. If this drug is only going to inflict further harm, I no longer want it. Damn these medications—it is surreal how laden they are with adverse side effects. Can these manufacturers not craft a perfect medicine?
A gentle, grounded reminder: Navigating medication side effects, changes in appetite, and heavy psychological or perceptual shifts is genuinely exhausting. Please ensure you discuss these physical symptoms and your desire to adjust your dosage directly with your prescribing doctor before making any changes, so you can adjust your care safely.
