By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
It has been nearly a month since I started taking my full doses of a mood stabilizer, an antipsychotic, and an antidepressant, twice daily (morning and evening). At first, taking these medications felt unusual, but as the days and weeks went by, I began to feel better and experience positive emotions, while the negative feelings that initially accompanied the treatment faded away. Now, I no longer feel any strange side effects, unlike when I first committed to taking them. The medications do not seem as bad as they are commonly rumored to be online; they are effective and well-suited for me, and far less bothersome than I had feared. I was particularly worried about potential weight gain, but my appetite has remained suppressed and manageable—I haven’t gained a single kilogram during this month of treatment.
My libido has increased, my sexual experience has become more enjoyable, and my performance during intimacy has grown more exciting than before. I feel a strong, continuous desire for sex and enjoy every moment of it. Although antidepressants are widely known to cause a drop in libido, my experience defies that notion; I have been taking these medications for 17 years and have never suffered from sexual dysfunction. In fact, I got married and fathered three healthy children, and my marital sexual relationship has always remained vibrant and ongoing. I barely experience any bothersome side effects from my medication.
A sense of complete peace and clarity fills my mind. It has been a long time since I last heard the voices of schizophrenia, and even the whispers of spirits have quieted down significantly. The bright star still appears here and there, following me in total silence, pointing in various directions as if striving to communicate with me—yet unable to speak, or perhaps not permitted to do so.
This star is a radiant light that has been my companion for many years, illuminating my path everywhere in multiple colors. It resembles a watching eye, taking on different shapes ranging from small to medium, and occasionally large. I do not know the true nature of this star, but it blocks other spirits of various forms from my sight, as though guarding me. It is ever-present, and whenever I think of it, it appears everywhere around me.
I feel that this star is a lady, and I named it a star because its glow resembles the distant stars in the sky. It accompanied me through the hardest and harshest circumstances; whenever I faced danger or harm, numerous stars would shine brightly in the space around me, and when I cried, they would glisten inside my eyes like a weeping eye showing compassion. That star, along with the others, has never left my side for over fifteen years. These stars are entirely real; I have shared the experience of seeing them with others on numerous occasions. They are not part of hallucinations or schizophrenia, but real spirits.
Furthermore, I have completely stopped engaging in any risky behavior outdoors, and my conduct has become entirely normal while adhering to my medication. I no longer have psychotic symptoms affecting my mind, behavior, or interactions with people in public places. In the past, I used to engage in dangerous behaviors in the street, which would escalate with alcohol consumption; I would dance and rave in the streets, performing showy movements driven by grandiosity, as if stepping into a wrestling ring. Consequently, I faced many conflicts with people due to my actions, and these dangerous behaviors could have exposed me to accidents, imprisonment, or even death.
Even drinking alcohol has become safer for me, and I see it reflecting positively on my well-being. Under the influence of alcohol combined with my medication, I am not the same as I am without it. Drinking alcohol becomes safer when combined with the trio of psychiatric medications I take. Combining psychiatric drugs with alcohol causes no harm; on the contrary, if you are ill and unmedicated, drinking alcohol poses a much greater danger. Additionally, the next-day hangover symptoms completely disappear when taking psychiatric medication; you wake up as if you hadn’t had a drink the night before, as these medications effectively eliminate the post-drinking effects.
In any case, it was a mistake to consider stopping my medication a month ago and to think I could successfully get off it and be better off. The situation back then was extremely difficult, harsh, and unbearable, but it was an experience worth reflecting on. We must not fear medications; there are beneficial drugs in the world like mine, just as there are harmful ones not worth trying. Many psychiatric medications can drag you into a painful cycle of psychological distress and unpleasant symptoms; therefore, find the right medication for you and step into life with good mental and psychological health, free of fear. Medication provides safety in psychiatric and mental illnesses, especially in chronic and more challenging conditions like the schizophrenia I live with. We should not assume that all psychiatric medications suit everyone; what works for you might not work for another.
