By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
I no longer cry tears; I weep without a drop. I feel the urge to cry, yet I find myself completely unable to shed a single tear. In the past, I used to cry copiously, moved by the most emotional things. Crying brought me a sense of temporary relief, but it was never sustainable in the long run. Despite the comfort I found in the moment, I would feel worse later, once the emotional wave subsided.
All of this traces back to the medication—specifically, the antidepressant. I cannot cry now, even though I remember doing so before. Could this all be due to its effect on the neurotransmitters in my brain? I have been unable to cry for over thirty days, ever since I started taking my antidepressant consistently.
Were all my tears merely the product of a counterfeit illness—tamed now that I feed my mind these substances? Perhaps my crying was excessive, or even a condition in itself, but I felt the weight of genuine sorrow with every single tear. I gained fleeting relief, but it never lasted; after a while, the despair would return.
On a positive note, my penis now achieves a full, lasting erection during intimacy while on this medication. I cannot live without this beloved part of me. I deeply desire to enter her with complete love, savoring her alluring body as I kiss her from bottom to top. It is well known that antidepressants—or most of the medications I take—can impair sexual performance, but fortunately, mine have spared me that.
The very drugs that brought me to this state, taking away my ability to cry, thankfully have not robbed me of the capacity to enjoy my partner’s body. They remain vital to me. Man, without them, I would be in terrible shape. In truth, I wouldn’t even think about crying, I wouldn’t get an erection, I would have no sexual desire, no ability to sleep, no energy for the next day, and I would never be a normal person. Day after day, I would grow sicker, and eventually collapse. I might even harm myself and those around me without my medication.
Do not tell me that people who don’t need my medication are better off than I am. I don’t believe that. Their condition—both emotionally and overall—is worse than mine, even though I once wished to be in their shoes. Sometimes I think that, unlike them, I possess something truly valuable without medication. Beneath the pollution of my mind by these drugs, I feel I hold something remarkable that those people will never experience or feel.
Despite the severity of what used to happen to me when I was off my medication, I would feel something extraordinary—a certain euphoria of pure sensation in this world through my unmedicated mind. But I was deeply ill; I felt constant pain and an inability to go on. Yet, in those brutal moments, I managed to grasp a fleeting, magnificent pleasure of feeling and perception. Everything was sublime, but everything cruel was right there alongside it. There was pain, and an inability to maintain control. There was pain—yet in those very moments, I felt that exquisite joy of pure sensation.
In the end, medication remains essential for survival; without it, we might face far harsher realities. It does not matter if I cannot cry, nor do all the wondrous things we might experience without these drugs matter, because we simply cannot survive or sustain those extraordinary feelings outside the structure of medication. You are not forced to stick to a specific drug; there are effective medications in this world. If a drug proves ineffective after a period of consistent use and treatment, set it aside. You can find your right medication, my friend, just as I found mine.
If we truly feel capable of abandoning medication, or if we are certain that we will remain fine without it and can build another life on our own terms, then let us leave it behind. Though I doubt anyone can truly pull that off; it could end up being a cruel and destructive path. Daily responsibilities await every one of us, every single day of our lives. We won’t get the chance to eradicate medication amidst all these responsibilities surrounding us, and alongside the people who care about us and need us. It is unfair to subject those we love, and who love us back, to such an experiment. Unless you find a genuinely safe opportunity to break free from these medications—and provided you aren’t simply deluding yourself when you actually need them—do not even entertain the thought of giving them up.
