By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
At the height of the madness and turmoil I went through in my life, I did not feel sorrow or grief for the poor state of my mind and self back then, despite the severity of the emotions churning inside me and the harmful, dangerous acts I was committing against myself.
It was truly not easy—it was incredibly harsh. Yet, I moved and acted in lockstep with my disturbed state, barely conscious of the fact that I was in a bad place, needed help, and needed to put an end to what was happening.
Whenever I regain my clarity and health, and my condition stabilizes, reflecting on those periods makes me realize how brutal they were—both to myself and to those who love me. I am filled with deep sorrow and regret for all those times.
Everything was dark, gloomy, turbulent, unsafe, and precarious. There was no calm, peace, or relief; I suffered from intense emotional pain and a pervasive sense of depression.
Beyond that were the voices in my head, my inability to experience reality as I should, my restlessness, and a total loss of self-control—unable to regulate myself or put a stop to what was going on.
Those periods were truly painful, and I hope that past never returns as it once was.
