By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
Excessive fear can be deeply detrimental to an individual, stealthily taking control of our subconscious and driving us to overreact in ways that destroy our psychological peace. I recently managed to break free from this overwhelming fear, and I refuse to let it master me ever again. I am fully prepared to face everything with courage.
During a traumatizing period that spanned nearly the past year and a half, visiting places—or environments similar to those—where I had endured harsh experiences triggered a shift in my mindset. An internal alarm would sound, warning me of potential danger or harm. I acted strictly out of the instincts conditioned by that trauma, until those feelings completely consumed my mood, crushed my courage, and stripped away my desire for adventure.
I could not endure that state for long; it is fundamentally contrary to who I am. Unfortunately, I fell into a relentless spiral of consecutive traumas. This culminated in a month-long confinement in a psychiatric hospital, alongside threats of being committed to a rehabilitation center due to a few months of alcohol addiction. Pressure mounted on me from every conceivable direction. I was reduced to a terrified, trembling cat—second-guessing every single step and frantically trying to reorganize my life just to return to a familiar reality. I suffered from a severe form of post-traumatic stress, which left me consumed by fear and utterly unable to manage my affairs, make clear choices, or mend things enough to reclaim the life I had lost.
Yet, that phase did not last long. I soon reclaimed my mental clarity and courage, breaking out of that psychological shell. I found the nerve to challenge the world once more and restore order to my life. Through the wisdom of a merciful fate—one that reorganizes my life, shows me compassion, and guides me back to my familiar path—I felt protected. Perhaps this force in my life is not a deity, nor a grand cosmic fate; perhaps it is simply my own mind. My mind is a extraordinary gift that consistently rescues me, returning me to the core of my spirit and true identity.
The forces that temporarily rendered me fearful or disoriented were by no means simple or minor. They were cruel, systematic, painful, and prolonged. They shattered my inner being and severed my connection to my true self and consciousness, forcing me into conflict with my own identity and rendering me unable to hold onto my spirit or act as I should have.
I spent an entire month in that wretched psychiatric facility—the very institution I referenced in my previous writings. Spending a single day there felt like an entire month; it was psychologically and neurally devastating. Nor was it my first time being committed. During those times, I endured numerous traumas that brought me to the brink of institutionalization: I faced humiliation, psychological and physical abuse, and held-at-gunpoint threats of being shot in the head. I survived multiple traffic accidents that left me thrown to the ground, suffered arrests and interrogations, and was targeted by theft—a relentless sequence of compounded traumas.
Worse still, about a month after my release from the asylum, my family attempted to permanently deprive me of alcohol, executing their intent in a provocative and humiliating manner. I have been dependent on alcohol since my adolescence, and today I am nearly 32 years old. By what right do they strip it away from me after all these years, when it forms a deep-rooted part of my life? I refused to let them—or anyone else—continue treating me this way, and I reclaimed my own way of living.
Fear must not endure, nor should it be permitted to dominate our consciousness and obscure reality. While fear can serve a necessary purpose in preserving personal safety and anticipating danger, I am not referring to the fear born of trauma, nor the cowardly dread that restricts your life, prevents you from functioning normally, and alienates you from your true nature and path.
There is no place for fear in this life; we must always embody courage. I am not built to live in fear, and I will not allow it to impair my freedom or prevent me from acting according to my true nature. We must never allow terrifying events to shape us in the long run, for a life lived in cowardice is no life at all. Losses may occur, but no loss is worse than living as a lifelong prisoner to fear—that is the worst fate imaginable. Do not be afraid; step forward into your life, just as I must step forward into mine. An entire existence should never be held hostage by fear.
I apologize for every moment of fear and severe trauma I endured, which temporarily turned me into a fearful, evasive person oblivious to the right choices. I am sorry for all those moments when compounded trauma, my fragile psychological state, mounting pressures, and forced confinement in a cruel place made me a captive to fear. I also hold resentment toward those who failed to offer proper help or support during my ordeal, choosing instead to abandon me and exacerbate the pressure; they were fools. I will never allow myself to return to that past.
I will dive headfirst into life, embrace adventure, and act according to my true nature. I stand ready for all possibilities, afraid of nothing. I will never allow anyone to harm me again, and I will live in alignment with the essence of my soul and the true identity I demand for my life.
