By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
To me, football is the most absurd game in the world. It is astonishing how immensely popular and enjoyable it is to such a vast majority of people, yet I have never liked it. Free wrestling (WWE) used to be my favorite sport—I was genuinely addicted to it—though I stopped watching it years ago. Nowadays, I only enjoy watching documentaries and Hollywood movies.
I couldn’t even immerse myself in video games while I was depressed. I used to be an avid gamer, but that hasn’t been the case for years. Lately, after recovering from depression, I join my children in playing video games just to be present in the moment with them, even if I don’t truly enjoy the games themselves. Recently, however, I’ve actually started to enjoy playing with them.
I have also begun returning to my work as a programmer with renewed enthusiasm, despite having been completely away from it for over two months. There is simply no desire, motivation, or mental capacity to work when you are depressed. Loving my work again means I have broken free from my depression.
I want to work now, and I feel a strong drive to exercise. After losing weight, I feel I need muscle-strengthening exercises to tone my body. I have an intense urge to work out; I want a strong, well-proportioned physique, and I also want to exercise for my mental health—to feel something I cannot quite put into words. I’ve spent days running and doing various exercises with the help of workout apps. Why do I want to exercise now? I don’t know. I just want to work out after losing all this weight!
This is what I gained after a month of staying consistent with the full dose of my psychiatric medication. No harm came to me; in fact, I felt a massive improvement. My medication caused no negative side effects whatsoever. I am in good mental and psychological health. I am not suffering from schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, or mood swings. Truly, nothing is bothering me. I am fine, coping well with the world, and sleeping peacefully. Nothing worries me, and nothing frightens me. Right now, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief thanks to my medication.
I own myself now. I am alone, far away from the voices of schizophrenia that used to haunt me. My mind is clear enough to reflect on this world; I have healed from the worst kind of schizophrenia. It was a mistake to think I would be better off without my medication.
Stopping medication is a complex process that may ultimately fail, and I cannot afford that risk. I am not alone; I have a family that reaches out to me every hour, every day. I have people who wish me well, and I cannot conduct experiments and endure their consequences while surrounded by them! I am no longer that lonely young man who could experiment and endure, who cared about nothing because he had nothing to lose.
I am sorry if your medications are bad; mine are good. I have spent much of my life dealing with bad medications, and I hope you find the ones that work for you. I honestly don’t know who could carry the weight inside their head in this world without good medication! Personally, I simply cannot live without it.
