By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
During one of the periods of my illness, while I had stopped taking my medication for several weeks, I was living alone at home. I would sleep for days on end, deeply immersed in manic episodes accompanied by hallucinations, delusions, and hysterical outbursts filled with madness, raw energy, laughter, and wild fantasies; I was in a truly deplorable state. One night, while watching TV on a Gulf channel, there was a program presented by a beautiful host.
The host began calling me by my name, “Mohammad.” In utter astonishment, I asked her, “Who am I?” She answered affirmatively, started flirting with me, and asked what I was doing all alone. I was shocked; how was this woman able to connect with me? My television wasn’t connected to the internet at all.
This incident wasn’t fantasy or delusion to me—it genuinely happened, and I still have that exact same television set to this day. I feel as though someone is eavesdropping on me through this TV, and sometimes even watching me.
How could this distant Gulf channel connect with me in my home country? Who gave them permission? Sometimes I get naked in front of the TV and engage in sexual acts; damn it, can they see us?! Perhaps there is extensive intelligence coordination between countries, or maybe my own country’s intelligence agency linked me with them.
I might sound crazy talking about something so hard to believe, but it really occurred. Is it possible that what happened was a delusion? That my psychotic state accompanying severe schizophrenia at the time clouded my perception and made me believe it? Yet, I remember this incident with crystal clarity, as if it were an indisputable truth.
Another thing: when I look closely at certain TV presenters, I also feel that they are looking right back at me. Once, I even said to a presenter, “Do you want to see my penis?” I exposed myself to her in front of the screen, and she lowered her head to look closely, then smiled!
During one of my schizophrenic episodes, I was actually talking to the TV! Worse yet, I began experiencing what felt like telepathy with television and radio broadcast stations. At times, my psychosis ran so deep that I would hear their voices talking to me from afar while I was in another room, where their voices—amplified by high volume—turned into actual conversations directed personally at me.
Another thing I wish to mention from that period of severe schizophrenia is that I managed to borrow the family car to drive around and take it out on intercity highways. I felt an overwhelming sense of euphoria, delusional that I was a ghost driving a vehicle rather than a real human being; I wasn’t present in reality as it was, and I felt as though I was carrying other ghosts along with me.
That night ended with me being pulled over at a police checkpoint, where they pointed their weapons at me. Terrified—especially since my car was filled with liquor bottles—I sped off, only to crash into another vehicle, leading to a lawsuit against me. A family reconciliation followed between my family and the family of the driver I hit. During that period, I fled to Israel for two months and skipped court entirely, refusing to return to the Palestinian territories until I was certain they wouldn’t send me to prison.
I was banned from driving for many years after that incident. Today, however, I drive while in good health, and I never consume alcohol while driving. I only borrow the car when I am fully alert and in sound mental and psychological health.
What really stood out was that profound sense of alienation—feeling like a ghost rather than a human being while driving back then—alongside an inability to grasp reality or my surroundings in a normal way. I was living in another world, and my perception was not that of a normal person, but rather like someone constantly under the influence. As for the television set itself: is it truly possible that these devices actually contain spy technologies without our knowledge?
