By the Author / Source: abuaram.site
I often experience intrusive thoughts about harassing girls and women in public spaces or on public transportation—such as thinking about touching them—though I have never acted on these impulses. These thoughts feel like obsessions. I believe that harassing a girl is, by its very nature, an abnormal act, especially since it provokes her anger and exposes oneself to accountability or harm from others. In my view, the harassment of women and girls by men in inappropriate settings is a pathological behavior, and any man who harbors such unnatural harassive thoughts is fundamentally unwell.
I acted on this only once with my married neighbor during the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic and the total lockdown in the West Bank. At the time, I was going through severe conflicts and disputes with my wife, which led me to kick her and my children out to her family’s house. My neighbor lived in the apartment adjacent to mine, and we were the only residents remaining in the building.
Her husband was away, leaving just the two of us in the building. She was a young woman with a well-proportioned figure, and having been deprived of my wife for nearly ten days, I was in a state of heightened sexual arousal. I tried to approach her under the pretext of needing food, claiming that all the shops were closed. That day, she handed me a loaf of toast and a jar of Nutella.
Her response was compassionate when she offered me the food. In reality, my intentions were sexually deviant; I was thinking about having sex with her. However, I made no direct physical advance toward her, relying solely on subtle gestures.
My actions that night were strictly limited to asking for food, regardless of my internal sexual thoughts toward her. We were alone in the building, and I committed no act of violence. I only intended to signal to her, assuming she might desire me and hoping she would understand my intent.
However, the expected occurred: she called her family. Despite having given me food, she realized my behavior carried inappropriate connotations. In our Palestinian society, such an interaction—even if framed around a valid request for food or a socially acceptable need—can be strictly forbidden.
As it turned out, that woman had a connection to my cousin’s wife. I do not know how she identified me, but my cousin called me that night to inform me that I had made a grave mistake, and that her family was fully mobilized and coming to attack me. It was strange that she happened to know my cousin’s wife.
Immediately, I got dressed, packed my belongings along with my alcohol, and prepared to leave the rented apartment. This was not my only residence; I had a family home in another area that I intended to head to. Unfortunately, I found dozens of her family members gathered outside, asking the neighbors about me, and they recognized me. Suddenly, her father lunged at me, punching me and breaking my prescription glasses.
Fortunately, during that critical moment when they were about to severely beat me, my cousin and his wife were present. They stepped in to defend me, explaining to them that I was unwell—as the entire family knows I suffer from a psychological disorder—and tried to help them understand my condition. They continued to calm her family down until a police patrol arrived.
That night, the Palestinian police pulled me out of the site amidst high chaos and shouting. Around five Palestinian police officers managed to rescue me from the crowd. I did not admit to any intent of harassment or sexual motive; I maintained that I had simply asked her for food, unaware that this act was wrong or forbidden.
I spent hours in a holding cell until intelligence officers I did not know arrived. They identified themselves to the police, took me out in the middle of the night, and brought me back home. I do not understand my connection to the intelligence services, or why they or my acquaintances and relatives provided this intervention for me. It was not the first time I received assistance from intelligence services, both Palestinian and Israeli; they have aided me in dozens of incidents.
I admit that my approach toward that woman was not driven by a need for food, but rather by my desire to have sex with her and enjoy her attractive body while we were alone in that building. My wife had been gone for nearly ten days. I also admit that this was the only time I dared to approach a stranger in such a manner, a period that coincided with a severe psychological relapse, heavy intoxication, and an acute episode of schizophrenia.
I continue to experience harassment-related thoughts or obsessions toward women, even at inappropriate times and places, and regarding unsuitable women or girls. However, I generally do not act on these obsessions, and I recognize that the presence of such thoughts is, in some respects, pathological and abnormal. I might allow myself to approach a woman appropriately if I sense her consent, but the impulse to harass any woman is abnormal and, I believe, stems from an underlying psychological condition.
Regarding my neighbor from whom I requested food, I felt a desire to make a physical advance due to her attractive appearance. I believed it might be possible for several reasons, including the fact that we had been neighbors for nearly two years and certain signals that led me to think she shared some form of mutual interest. She was charming and attractive, with prominent features, large breasts, and a defined figure—which reinforced my belief that I should pursue her.
Generally, harassing behavior stems from pathological motives when it occurs in an inappropriate context (time and place), with an unprepared or unwilling individual, and in the complete absence of any indication of mutual desire for a relationship or intimacy. Although harassment often involves anticipating a negative reaction from the victim, the underlying drive remains the desire to achieve a positive response or a sexual relationship—even if pursued through ambiguous means—making it an inherently pathological behavior.
